Transcript

(All voices in this episode belong to Leezel Tanglao unless otherwise noted)

VOX POP BEGINS

I have a blood debt to fulfill…something for my family.

We owe our debt to our ancestors who somehow put us together

In Filipino culture specifically, we are taught to feel like we owe the generations before us in exchange for the sacrifices that they made.

Blood debt. It’s like forever a debt of gratitude.

The utang na loob, you cannot pay off as long as you live.

VOX POP ENDS

INTRODUCTION BEGINS

In Blood Debts, we tell the tories of choices and sacrifices to pay back what is owed and pay forward something of value.

I’m your host, Leezel Tanglao.

On this podcast, we talk about one of the few through lines in people’s lives - debt.

You’ll hear stories from the Filipino diaspora around how debt has impacted all aspects of life from those in the medical field, public service sector to technology to creative arts.

When is debt really a gift? When is it guilt? When is it a debt of gratitude?

As a journalist, I’ve spent more than a decade reporting on the financial aspects of debt in diverse communities.

But many carry debts beyond money.

They say you can’t put a price on a person’s life, but apparently you can if you’re my father. actually $240,000 to be exact.

What would you do if you became a homeowner at age 25?

Would you take on that responsibility? Or would you bounce?

That’s exactly what happened to me.

This is my story of blood debts.

INTRODUCTION ENDS

When people remember their childhoods, images of endless summers and ice cream and kids being kids often comes to mind. 

But for me, I remember counting coins - pennies, nickels, dimes with my mother.  

When I had enough, I’d roll them up and take them in the bank -- not to save them but to exchange them for cash to buy myself a happy meal at McDonalds.

You see, that’s the only time you can literally buy happiness. That cheap plastic toy alongside fast food was the highlight of my childhood. 

It became an escape from the daily fighting and shouting of my parents during those early years as they navigated raising an American born Filipino in the late 1980s into early 1990s in Lancaster, California.

Finally when they’ve had enough, they decided to divorce and my mother and I moved back home to Carson, an urban blue collar city just 30 miles south of Los Angeles. 

My mother is a woman of few words but also a woman of faith, shaped by the struggles of the motherland she left behind to chase the American dream.

She worked overnights and put me through Catholic school and never mentioned my father again.

NORMA REYES GUZMAN: I’ve been paid off already this house for 30 years and now another 30 years.

It would be a shame to see all that work go away in a flash. 

I figured it was time to see if my dad would let this go. 

It’s the least he could do to Let me have the house. 

He owes me at least that.

And I’ll never forget the day he called. 

I was waiting for another call and the phone rang, I thought it was the call I expected.

It was him.

The first thing he says: “I’m coming back for the house because I need the money.”

I tried to reason with him but couldn’t get a word edgewise. He just kept talking.

“Hey if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t be here,” he said.

Once he uttered those 10 words, I knew there was no point to reason with this man any longer. 

It was then I made the decision that would change the course of my life the next 30 years. 

I told my mom that we should buy him out. There was no way I was going to let her blood, sweats and tears go to waste. 

Together with the help of my uncle, my mom and I applied for a 30 year $240K mortgage at 5.6% interest on a house appraised at $400K. 

We would have had to move out and pay just as much of a monthly payment. 

Why not outright own it?

So at the beginning of the recession in 2008, we took on a debt, a blood debt. 

I was paying literally the debt of a mortgage.

I was also paying a blood debt - made of blood sweat and tears.

And for the next decade I would be paying for two homes as my career takes to the Big Apple. 

While it’s been a challenge financially, I have no regrets. 

It was something I wanted to do not just out of utang na loob --- but for love.

Utang na loob is a deep Filipino trait that translates to debt of gratitude or more literally debt of one's inner self.

You’ll hear this term throughout the series many times.

NORMA REYES GUZMAN: My ex-husband doesn’t have utang na loob. (She says in the Philippine language, Kapampangan - it’s true, what debt of gratitude does he have? None. After everything has been paid off, he just collects. That’s it. He didn’t have to work for it) The first utang, I sacrifice. Now the second utang, is my daughter’s sacrificing because she’s the one paying off the debt that we have, that we give to her dad. I don’t have any more money and I don’t have anymore energy to do it.

As for my father, he didn’t need to say anything more. 

He showed me.

And that was the last time I’ve talked to my father. 

In many ways, my father is right. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here. 

I do owe him a blood debt.

But I wouldn’t be here without my mother either.

NORMA REYES GUZMAN: I’m your parent too ok? Even if I get mad with you or you get mad with me or whatever, whatever happened, you don’t have utang na loob from me because you are not born over here….(Kapampangan: You were not born here because you asked for it. You were only born here because of me and him. If we didn’t make you, you wouldn’t be here. But you didn’t asked to be born right?)

While my father may have given me life, it was my mother who kept me alive. 

She is the one who gives me hope.

She gave me the drive, the fire and love to go for it...to experience all of life - the good, the bad, and everything that comes with it and not let fear stop me from aspiring to things beyond my imagination. 

My father cashed in on my debt to him. $240,000 to be exact.

Not my mother.

She doesn’t see it that way at all. 

You see, like she always said, “Dream big, because it doesn’t cost a thing to dream.” 

OUTRO BEGINS

There are many sides to debt.

This series intends to take you on a journey through defining and redefining debt through stories of Filipinos in the diaspora.

Upcoming stories from guests like Major General Antonio Taguba and rapper Ruby Ibarra are just a sampling of the journeys you’ll hear along the way.

That’s all for this episode, thank you for listening.

To find out more about the series and upcoming episodes and resources, visit Blooddebt.com

Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Blood Debts is produced and hosted by me Leezel Tanglao.

This series is a legacy project of the Filipino Young Leaders Program.

Shoutout to FYLPRO Batch 8.

This series is dedicated to all those who struggle to talk about uncomfortable issues and for all those who ever felt overlooked.

I see you.

I hear you.

OUTRO ENDS